Enterprise Jeopardy
by MackGold
Summary: Don't even ask. Three of our favorite enterprise characters go on jeopardy.
1. Chapter one

Enterprise Jeopardy MackGold This story is a little weird, so don't ask The crowd cheers as our favorite host, Crewman Daniels (don't ask) comes into the studio.  
  
Daniels: Welcome to Enterprise Jeopardy, the only game show that survived all the way through world war three. Please say hello to our contestants today. Say hello to------Captain Jonathan Archer!  
  
Archer waves to the crowd, and takes his place at the podium with his badly written name on it.  
  
Daniels: Ensign Hoshi Sato!  
  
Hoshi walks onto the stage and takes her place at her podium. Oddly enough, hoshi's name is written like HoSHI. (that's hoshi in klingon for all you non-klingon speaking people)  
  
Daniels: And last but not least, Commander Charles "Trip" Tucker the III!  
  
Trip runs onto the stage, and trips on some marbles that some kid threw on the floor.  
  
Trip: Stupid marbles. Now I know where I got my nickname...  
  
Daniels: Erm, okay. Lets get the game started. Our catagories are: Famous captains whose last names start with "Ar", Vulcans, how do you bash them, Marbles (Trip: Argh!) Logic, better skip that one.  
  
Daniels takes a piece of paper, scribbles something on it and tapes in "Logic"'s spot. The catagory now is "Buzz in and get free points!"  
  
Daniels: And finally, how do you like your scrambled eggs. Archer, since you are the highest ranking officer, pick a catagory.  
  
Archer: Hmm, I'll take Vulcans, how do you bash them, for 200.  
  
Daniels: What is the common nickname for Vulcans before 2151?  
  
(ding) Hoshi: sharp?  
  
Daniels: No. Anybody else?  
  
(dingdingdingdingding) Trip: Umm...something if you step on it will hurt your feet?  
  
Daniels: Archer? Do you have a clue?  
  
Archer: Not a clue.  
  
Daniels: Bah, the answer is Pointy. Archer is now in the lead with -100 points, with Hoshi and Trip dragging behind with -200. We'll be back after a short commercial break.  
  
**************COMMERCIAL STARTS******************* Mysterious voice: Have you ever felt the need to blow things up?  
  
Malcolm Reed: I have, many many times!  
  
Mysterious voice: Well then, buy the Vulcan pornography torpedo! It is so horrible, your enemies will self destruct at the first sight of it!  
  
Other person: How does it work?  
  
Mysterious voice: Well, it has a transmitter inside of it that is full of Vulcan pornography. You fire the torpedo, and then it transmits vulcan porn to every single screen in the enemy ship. It is so bad, your enemies will still be retching after they self-destruct!  
  
Reed: I'll give some of these to Archer for his birthday present...heh heh heh... **************COMMERCIAL OVER************************ What on EARTH is Reed trying to do with that Vulcan Porno Torpedo? I don't even want to know? Find out when the commercials are over on Enterprise Jeopardy! 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter 2 (don't even ask) Daniels: Welcome back to Enterprise Jeopardy. As a reminder for the contestants, there will be no shooting at the cameramen with phase pistols. Recapping the last painful minutes, Archer is in the lead with -100 points, and Trip and Hoshi are behind with -200 points. Archer, pick a category.  
  
Archer: How about Buzz in and get free points for 200.  
  
Daniels: Buzz in and get free points. Anyone? Anyone at all?  
  
(zzuB)  
  
Daniels: Um, what was that?  
  
Trip: Oops, my buzzer's gone haywire. Just one second.  
  
Trip goes under the podium and starts fiddling with wires and circuits.  
  
(uBzzBzzuzzBu)  
  
Daniels: Never mind. Anyone else want to buzz in?  
  
Nobody buzzes.  
  
Daniels: Bah, you could have gotten points for just buzzing in -_-;;  
  
Archer, Hoshi, and a burnt Trip: (  
  
Daniels: -_-;;; Trip, I'm feeling generous. Pick a category.  
  
Trip: Just to get this out of the way, Marbles for 300.  
  
Daniels: What little round thing did Trip get his nickname because of?  
  
(Buzz)  
  
Trip: How about plastic hot wheels wheels?  
  
Daniels: No-ACK!  
  
Silik of the cabal pushes Daniels away and then shoots him with a phase pistol.  
  
Silik: I am taking over this game now. You must OBEY ME OR DIE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Archer pulls a phase rifle on him.  
  
Silik: Oh crud.  
  
Silik runs off.  
  
Cameraman: Uh, we'll be back as soon as we find a new host -_-;; 


	3. Chapter three

Enterprise Jeopardy Chapter 3: Backstage with Ambassador Pointy The characters are really really out of character in this one. Bear with me. Soval: But games shows are illogical! Why are you making me do this?!?  
  
Cameraman: Really? Remember, Pointy, our logic is to be illogical. And besides, you won't win any money.  
  
Soval calms down.  
  
Soval: It seems more logical to make Admiral Forrest the host.  
  
Cameraman: Nope, you know what happens to all the hosts of enterprise jeopardy.  
  
Suddenly, Silik comes running in, closely followed by a crazed Archer with a phase rifle.  
  
Silik morphs himself into a chair, and Archer runs into another room. Archer comes back in, having lost Silik. Silik morphs into Ambassador Pointy-erm Soval.  
  
Archer: Who is who here? Should I shoot the annoying Vulcan, or the annoying Suliban who changed himself into the annoying Vulcan.hmmm.  
  
Malcolm Reed walks into the room toting a phase rifle.  
  
Reed: Captain, here. Now shoot them both! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Reed gives archer a phase rifle, and Archer shoots both look-alikes.  
  
Cameraman: Just great you shot the host. Now who is going to host?  
  
Reed: I got a connection on the east side, yo!  
  
Reed goes over to a communication thingy and hits some buttons. Shy guy comes flying in, closely followed by his personal cameraman, Gregg, the grim reaper.  
  
Shy Guy: Oh god reed what do you want?  
  
Reed: We need you to host Enterprise Jeopardy.  
  
Shy Guy: Are the contestants smarter than a post?  
  
Reed: erm.yeah.  
  
Shy Guy: That doesn't sound good. Oh well. Gregg, set up the answer banner.  
  
What is the answer banner? Who really cares? Find out next chapter. 


End file.
